Let’s have a heart-to-heart…

The start

Growing up, I dreamt of being an environmental scientist/marine biologist - even before I’d experienced my first day of school. I was talking to plants before I was talking to people, and completely and utterly obsessed with the water (if you’ve seen the album cover of Nirvana, I have a duplicate copy with myself – and man, I can only ensure that that’s how I still feel in the water today).

As time went on, and I warmed to people, I realised my passion laid more prominently in the interpersonal relations and experiences of all people, from all walks of life.

How could we look after our plants if we couldn’t look after those meant to water them?

Fortunately, my parents were humanitarians in their own ways, through social justice/high school education and healthcare careers. Through this, I learned about worldly issues from a young age and the unfair standards/genuinely corrosive experiences of other human beings. I wanted to be a catalyst in sharing their stories with peers, in order to encourage action, and help alleviate the issue.

Nerdy at heart, I would often be found in the library or drama rooms at lunchtimes or after school. I was (and still am) also equally passionate about community and it’s necessity for all to persevere, so I was often found with friends laughing/doing something stupid.

The Middle

Since my days of talking to plants and people, I have completed a bachelor’s degree in media and communications, as well as a business degree majoring in Human Resource Studies (the psychology of working people) both in Brisbane, Australia and the United States.

While completing my studies, I worked as a junior producer for a news station whilst also completing a myriad of unpaid internships across fashion, music, film, and not-for-profit (communications).

Now

As it goes in a dysfunctional and patriarchal world, I experienced personal upheavals and the impact of investing too much energy into working (too much) from a very young age, as well as looking for the validation of myself in every job, or man and his dog (and sometimes, not the nicest puppies), rather than the communities that desperately needed it – and most importantly, myself.

Now re-prioritizing the plotlines of my own story and happiness, as much as the voices that require amplification, I believe I am on my best foot forward in my initial goal. With a step-back in my approach - for the greater good of EVERYONE (or at least, that’s my intention - who knows what I’ll think of that in 12 months).

While it may sound selfish, it is my inherent belief that mental health self-care is as an essential need as physical health. Without it, we can’t consistently show up for ourselves or the people we love, let alone broader society.

I hope my writing can help individuals walk into the sometimes messy journey of independence and worthiness with a little more ease – separate to their work, relationships and whatever else. A generation able to breathe with who they are. When reconnected with this, we are reconnected with the universe, and the reality, that we were never disconnected from one another in the first place. From there mountains of compassion flow, and hate subsides.  

I am also deeply passionate about the intersection of visual arts as a divine source of truth and the amplification of social topics and people - exercised in all of my dynamic career journeys, with employers constantly commending this dedication and impact. With this, I am deeply excited for my next chapter that puts this type of work centre stage, which I will be sure to keep you updated on (beginning my Masters of Social Work - aka bisexual finishing school, and working on short film/story projects)! Just with lots more independence, self-care and healthy love.

Excerpt writing example: I don’t (?) give a damn about my reputation.

I wanted to start my blog with a bang, a wow moment, a “Woah Catherine is both creative, and equally witty?!”

I wanted to share work that would impress you, and accurately reflect the complex pandora box of my mind. I had some work that could’ve met this personally set pre-requisite, written eloquently and with great grammar. Though I stupefied myself by feeling it necessary to start with a fresh slate in this new incarnation of a more vulnerable me, call it chapter 2024.

Which is where my story of not (insert tentative question mark*) giving a damn about my reputation begins. As I sat hunched over (scoliosis you’ll be thanking me!) pondering whether I share the link, I found myself worrying if my writing/work had any potential alongside the standards of my peer’s portfolios. In this moment I realise I have an unexpected guest, “Ah, hello my old friend, ‘shame’”.

Ego/Shame is important to acknowledge, stemming from our deep seeded fears, our past traumas, the impact of the state of the world even. However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, is that when it arises, rather than playing the blame game, I hold it, and try my best to do any of the soul deep-diving it may require.

I realised, this apprehension to share my writing, or anything truly utterly vulnerable (MESSY!) is within this dynamic cauldron of pre-empted fear that I often shy away from, where I don’t let my ‘messy’ become public, apprehensive of not being put-together-enough, the best (before even beginning) appearing too self-conceited, or saying the wrong thing.

If one enjoys doing something, that could potentially inspire someone else to rethink a thought, increase their education on something, or feel a feeling of comfort/joy, or perhaps the opposite - inspire uncomfortability - we (me) must persevere through that anxiety and share anyway. It is time to heal the wounded feminine of this world. Why should anyone care if someone else has a ‘better’ way of doing something? Or has a slightly more intriguing way of writing? Or that they can create graphics like they were born with the Adobe Suite installed in their infantile hands?

One of the many answers for this, at least for me, and what I’m noticing throughout my Social Work studies so far, is perfectionism and fear. My perfectionist memories date back to when I was just a kid, tracing Spongebob Squarepants for the annual primary school drawing competition (when there were VERY clear instructions not to trace and just be ourselves - BLASPHEMY!). However, I couldn’t handle the risk of something out there in the world that wasn’t picture perfect, put together, snuggly fit into a little pre-packaged box. While we’ve been taught we shouldn’t technically care if we/our practice isn’t perfect or whether it aligns with the masses, the reality of this ease to not care is more often than not a myth. For me, I know that my perfectionism is a form of survival and control that in the past, served me well. Key words: In the past. However, I have more freedom now, and in an effort to let go of that limited way of thinnking, I simply, just need to get over it. I mean, even freaking Shakespeare developed an overarching inclination toward pretension for publicizing his (or so they say) work, and it’s kind of unanimous he did alright for himself in the end. So, like Shakespeare, and yes I have likened my predicament (not SKILLS) to his (deal with it), I have decided on - exposure therapy (starting a blog for the first time since a shared blog with friends in 2016). Being vulnerable won’t kill me, I’ll wake up tomorrow, and I’ll still be enjoying the roses like I did today, and the day before that.

Embracing imperfection means remembering that the essence of creativity lies in exploration and expression, not perfection. Allowing yourself to make mistakes and learn from them is a vital part of the creative process and personal growth. And creative freedom is a critical life force.

The conclusion, if you love/feel something? Just ‘do it’- a quote from John Cena, part-time philosopher. Seriously. If you want to do something, create something, express something, be something - stop second guessing it, and just DO IT. It’s terrifying and exhilirating. And I can promise you I’ll be front row cheering it on (people trying things imperfectly is an aphrodisiac to me).

Constantly seeking approval forces us to miss out on the beauty of simply being ourselves - and approving ourselves - all of our own unique ideas and desires, in all their imperfections.

We’re all born with these different seeds of passion, be it writing, art, sports, humanitarianism, hell it could be the way you swim like a mermaid in the ocean; however, whether the seeds blossom is dependent on if we choose to water them. If we don’t, they will wilt, but if we do, if we can find that voice imbued with great aplomb, like myself deciding to shed the ‘judgement for oversharing jacket’, it will blossom, and when it blossoms with other like minded people - it can be pretty darn great.

Are you really going to stop watering your plant because your neighbours coriander is dying again and you don’t want your garden to flourish? That’s wild! Tall poppy syndrome is real and crazy, but giving into it and making yourself smaller is way crazier. I’ve been crazy for too long, so here’s me planting my little coriander plant. It’ll take me a while to figure out how to garden it (this is actually the one serious herb I struggle to nurture long-term in real life), but when it’s bustling again, we can all reap the benefits. Maybe I’ll inspire you to water and talk to your plant a little more too.